Rest in Peace
You we’re a good friend to my brother. Thanks for taking care of him. You will be missed here, but I’m sure Dad will be happy to see you again. Goodbye, Shiva.
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July 21, 2006
July 19, 2006
Welcome Home Mei!
July 16, 2006
a kick in the AC
It’s hot here. In the hundreds the last four days. By the way, I don’t need a commentary on how “that’s not that bad” and so forth. I grew up in Las Vegas and was there last summer during the record breaking heat wave. I also spent time on the east coast and know plenty about more humid summers. So, with that said, kindly keep it to yourself. Anyhow, I don’t know what it’s like to be a pregnant woman in the summer, but my wife does and she’s not enjoying it one bit. With any luck she will not have to endure much more of the summer in pregnancy. Our little chubby cherub is due out this week. Perhaps the heat will get to her and she’ll wiggle her way out to cool off. Then while she’s out trying to cool off we’ll sneak up on her, cut the cord, wrap her in a blanket and call her baby. Like I said, being male, I’ve never been pregnant and I’m not really sure how this thing works. I partly suspect she’s been sneaking out of the womb at night to watch us sleep. She’ll also probably pretend that she can’t speak English for like a year or so and she’ll pretend she can’t walk so that we have to carry her everywhere. I really think this baby thing is a scam. I already know she’s smarter than me. She knows how to make her mom eat ice cream. Lot’s of it. She know’s she’ll be eating precious little ice cream for the first couple years so she’s probably trying to fill her cantene.
But I digress. My mom is coming out to help us with the new baby and she asked me if it was as hot here as it is in Texas. Probably not just as hot but it’s hot enough. Foolishly I promised her I would do what I can to cool things down before she arrives. Ah, but out of that foolishness came a brilliant idea. As you grow older you realize that your parents are not as stupid as you thought they were when you were growing up. So, a bit of parental wisdom snuck up on me as I recalled being told, “shut the door! What, are you trying to cool the outside?” Yes dad. I am trying to cool the outside. But this time it’s not just a smart remark. This is not just a plan to make Utah cooler outside for my mom’s visit; this is a plan to end global warming.
Yes, it is an inconvienient truth. I’m not entirely sure why cause I haven’t seen the movie but I’m sure Al Gore made a number of arguments for why this heat is inconvenient and he’s right. Sometimes the heat just sucks. For one thing, you have to finish your ice cream cones so fast you never get to truly savor the flavor. Sure, you can eat ice cream in the winter, but it’s too flippin’ cold for that. Also, fat people sweat a lot. I’m not even that fat and I sweat a lot. I hear it’s getting so bad that fat people are starting to sweat in the winter as well! I’m sorry but that’s just racist and it has got to stop. That’s where you come in.
What I’m calling for is a world wide movement to open all your doors and windows and crank the A.C. I know this will come at a cost but freedom always comes at great cost. Just do this with me through the month of September and then let’s step back and see what a beautiful thing we’ve created. Just think of the many way’s we will all benefit when people with unsightly varicose and spider veins are able to wear pants in the summer. I know that my quality of life would have improved dramatically if I could have lived without ever seeing my father in a pair of shorts. I still can’t look at an albino whale without thinking of my late fathers legs. I miss my father everytime I turn on Animal Planet. And just think, this doesn’t have to end with summer. We could do this again as early as November and crank up our heaters all winter long. “Yes dad, we are trying to heat the outside!”
July 14, 2006
left overs
I’m too lazy to post my thoughts when they’d be timely so here is a dump of thoughts that could have been whole entries themselves (some of them) if I hadn’t waited too long to post them.
| Nick Cannon? Are you kidding me? How does this kid have a career? Is there a way we can remove all of the people responsible for making him famous off to a remote island where they can make him their idiot king and the rest of us can live life a little less annoyed. He’s like a cliche machine. He’s not funny. |
| Boo to you U.S. mens soccer team. Extra boos to Bruce Arena. I’m sick of hearing all the sports talk radio guys talking about how they don’t care about soccer and hockey. This was your chance to show the world and your own country that you are worth bothering about. A very sarcastic thanks for meeting their expectations. |
| My favorite line from a crappy basic cable television show promo: “Why don’t you go back to Heaven and leave me the hell alone!” -From a promo to “Fallen” a new show about a fallen angel |
| I know that I attend a religious university but is it too much to ask that you stop singing at least to defecate? I’m sure the men’s room has the best acoustics on campus but I don’t really need to hear all 7 verses of “Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief” with every strained praise as you expel in the stall next to me. That’s not an association I’d like to have. |
| Speaking of the World Cup, this is the best thing I saw the whole month. I will never forget you Zidane! Zizou video |
| Taylor Hicks? Are you kidding me America? I haven’t even watched the show and I know he’s going to fail. Is this some cruel joke being played on the guy or is this confirmation that most of America has no amount of discernment. Now I’ve got to see him on Conan talking about the “Soul Patrol” and singing some adult contemporary rubbish and then again on Ford commercials during the breaks. That’s a pretty good match actually. A hybrid of the most boring American car company and the most boring musical crap factory that is idol. I can’t believe more of you were watching idol than the Olympics. I blame this on the popularization of white trash culture. Foxworthy, don’t think I don’t know you had something to do with this. |
| Veeda has a new favorite commercial. It’s the Wendy’s commercial with the Raccoons who decide to steal a van and go to Wendy’s cause the drive thru is open late. Well, Veeda just cracks up when the van pulls up to the pick up window seemingly empty and then the raccoons pop out, grab the food and drive away. It’s become my favorite commercial to watch Veeda during. Wendy’s Raccoons |
| Deadliest Catch is the new American Chopper. |
| Reruns of the old Cosby Show are the new Cosby Show |
| P. Diddy, This Making the Band thing is killing you. I know you still tell everyone you are a hitmaker and can’t be stopped and you crap gold bricks and all that but it’s just pathetic. You are working on the sequel to your Making the Band debut so why aren’t we seeing your first band anywhere? It’s cause they sucked, right? You may hang out with Donald Trump but your street value is plunging. The girls your working with now? That song is tired, the genre is tired and those girls were embarassing to listen to. You don’t even care about music anymore do you? It’s all about posturing. I’ll be honest, I never liked you much, but you didn’t have to give me so many more reasons. Sincerely, Caps |
| P. Diddy is the new Nick Cannon. |