In this corner, weighing 12.3 pounds. . .
We recently bought a “gym” for baby Mei. I for one am really excited, because it looks like we’ve discovered a way for Mei to carry her weight around here. Often, babies are nothing more than a financial and emotional burden offering little reward and little sleep. However, Mei is already a very strong baby and with a little work in the gym I strongly believe that she can be a contender on the lauded (albeit, highly controversial) baby fight cicuit. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not about to enter her into a shady pit fight where they strap razor blades and rusty nails to the hands of babies, thow them in a closet and see which one comes out. That’s just sick, and I really don’t want any part of it unless the purse is outrageously high. I may be biased, but I’m confident that there are only a small handful of babies Mei’s age that could even compete in the same ring with her. I’ve seen a lot of babies around her age that are still having trouble holding up their heads. Mei stands up (with assistance for balance) for minutes at a time. MINUTES! And that’s at only 3 months old! According to Dr. Sears she should only be able to do so for a few moments before collapsing… by the time she’s 4 months old. Sorry, Dr. Sears but we’re way beyond that, and that’s without the bionic surgery Veeda recently persuaded me not to persue. I admit I considered entering her in the modified class for a short time. Just think about it, a baby with claws like
Wolverine. Now that’s some kind of awesome. A father’s dream, really. Veeda was persuasive, though, in convincing me of the trouble Mei might have getting a date to the Prom and the far worse horror of what might happen if she happened to turn on us. Face it, babies go bad every now and then and I don’t need to give her any more weapons then she might manage to construct otherwise. Really, though, I’m convinced that her mental game might be more determining of her victories than her brute strength. She has managed to make both her parents quite nuts. Though some might argue that we had a good start. I reject your arguments. Plus, those most likely to make those arguments have not seen us since Mei was born. She’s ravaged us, id, ego and superego, and left us curled in a ball crying for our fading memories of a good night’s sleep.
Yup, this gym is a good thing. It may not only end up paying for itself, but for our therapy sessions as well.