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I woke up this morning, stumbled into the bathroom, showered, towel dried and applied my deoderant…with the plastic sanitary insert all new deoderant sticks come with still in place. As I scraped the rigid plastic tong along the sensitive skin of my underarm I wondered how I had managed to survive for so long. Then I prceeded to insert my contact lenses and in the process nearly washed my lens in Veeda’s facial cleanser which looks nothing like the bottle of saline one would recomend for such a procedure. A near miss!! And I’m reminded how, weeks earlier, while preparing Thai food for a small dinner party, I finely chopped two rather deceitfully small and excrutiatingly hot thai chilies. Later, while getting ready for the party, I get out of a long hot shower and proceed to put my contacts in. For some odd reason my eye began to feel as though it had been poked with a hot pokey thing. “Hmmm … must have been the peppers I recently chopped. I better rinse my lens and try again.” That hot pokey feeling rushed back to my rememberance as I experienced it a second time. I actually tried a third time to rinse and insert my contact lens. I then determined to wear glasses for the remainder of the evening. Lucky thing I tried my contacts again the next morning or I might have forgotten that strange burning sensation that makes one want to pluck out their eye with any available instrument, no matter how ill suited for the task it might be. It took me just that long to throw out the “hot” chili flavored lens in favor of more bland version fresh out of the box. You see, I had just barely opened my last pair of contacts, and I did not want to waste one. Part moron, part cheap bastard.