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Entirely his own doing.

Entirely his own doing.

Thanks to Mark, who was so impressed with my management skills that he documented my techniques.

It’s Adrienne Day!^*

Do you want to know what Adrienne got for Adrienne Day? See that heart right there? That is from the Holiday font set from House Industries. How great is it that my wife asks for fonts as a present‽ ←What my little font-nerd friends? Did I just drop an interrobang on you? Yes, yes I did.

It is harder to orchestrate a great Adrienne day now that we have three kids, but the way Adrienne deals with them makes me want to give her 365 Adrienne Days. She is far more likely to be drawing, painting, writing, reading, or having a dance party with them than she is to park them in front of the TV. I think that if we were landed gentry with access to the finest tutors in the world our kids minds would not be in better hands than they are in now—or my mind for that matter…

It is the greatest thing in the world to be married to someone like Adrienne. We can talk about anything as equals. The first time we really hung out together in college we ended up talking for 6 hours. We can still talk for 6 hours and never be bored.

Also, she is hot.

Please take a second to wish Adrienne a happy Adrienne Day.

^*Here is a brief history of Adrienne Day.

• Adrienne Day ‘07
• Adrienne Day ‘06
• Adrienne Day ‘05

I think I may have just implied that I grow a beard when I stop writing… Since I don’t have a beard, it must be time to start writing again.

Now, a benefit of not having written anything in a few months—I have gotten rid of everyone but the true believers! OK, now that everyone else is gone, get out your Amishrobot secret decoder rings out.

Ready?

Beginning Transmission…

YTCLO HKYIO UROER OUEEN EOHLE WOHLE WEOTW NADRD UCCVE YDUTI C

Knock yourselves out.*

(Nerds might call this post “meta blogging” and they would say it is the worst thing ever. I think people that say things like “meta blogging” are the worst thing ever.)

(Yes, that is a real secret code.)

*Hint: Columnar Transposition

Besides the whole, never hike with cross country runners lesson, I also learned to never go hiking when you have recently fasted, have only slept for one hour, have an upset stomach, and when you are really out of shape. It was a pretty brutal hike for me, but I will have you know that kid that passed me was actually 8 years old. He only looked like a 4 year old.

Someday I may want to hike Timp again, but at least now it stops looking at me all uppity like.

Some photos from the hike:

It really seemed like a good idea to me. Some good alone time and a chance to maybe watch the sunrise from the peak. I left at 3am friday morning. It was a beautiful out and I saw several baby deer running awkwardly on the side of the road as I drove to the trailhead by Timpooneke campground. I have never hiked Timp before and I was really excited. It was pitch black and the trees were pretty thick and there was mist glowing in my headlamp as I headed up the trail. It was beautiful, but I have to admit that knowing there had been bear trouble in the area not long ago, along with all the signs telling you how to avoid a bear attack made it feel a little creepy too.

I was making good time and feeling great. I combatted my nervousness and the danger of surprising a bear by hiking loudly. I sumo-stomped my way up the trail and, like a Shinto priest, I blessed corners and particularly dark and dense areas with hand claps. When I reached an area of switchbacks with boardwalks next to a stream I took the opportunity to pound them with my feet like drums. As I stomped across one of the boardwalks I noticed that there were muddy splashes of water at regular intervals on it. “Hmmm… I wonder if someone is on the trail ahead of me…?” They were still completely wet, so whoever it was was probably close by, and though the shapes were not very clear, they looked a lot more like paw or huge hoof prints than people prints. I glanced back at where I had crossed the stream and my blobby footprint had pushed the mud down about half an inch. Next to it, a big mushy print a good 3 inches deep. As I stood there playing animal tracker something very big crashed through the brush in front of me.

My heart pounded and I stomped my feet and clapped my hands and whatever it was started moving again. I couldn’t tell if it was towards me or away from me, but it was for sure a very large animal. It sounded like it was knocking trees over. “Hey!” Stomp! Stomp! Stomp! I pounded my feet on the boardwalk. Crunch! Crunch! Crunch! It moved away from me a little and stopped again. “Don’t make me kick you in the face!” Stomp! Stomp! Stomp! Crunch! Crunch! Crunch! It moved a little further. It was hard to tell, in the pitch black, how far away it was now. Maybe 50 feet? I scanned the trees and brush with my headlamp trying to catch a glimpse of whatever was out there… GLOWING EYES stared back at me. I am sure I gasped audibly. My split second thought process was, Moose? Bear? If moose I should not antagonize it any further unless I wanted to be trampled. If a bear I should antagonize it as much as possible so as not to be mauled. The eyes weren’t as high as I imagined a moose’s should be, though who are we kidding, it was pitch black and I wasn’t exactly calmly measuring the thing. I went with the bear plan and clapped my hands and yelled, “Move it!” The eyes disappeared and I heard it move off a bit further.

I stood on the trail still frozen. I really wasn’t expecting to see those large glowing eyes so close to me and I couldn’t tell exactly where moosebearbigfoot had gone, but it seemed to be right on the corner of the switchback where I needed to go and I couldn’t tell if it had anywhere to go from there or if I had just cornered it. I now understand better how people die climbing mountains in storms that would cause a reasonable person to turn back. In spite of the large unseen animal in my path, I really didn’t want to turn back.

I thought I would check how far it had gone and if I could drive it off a little further so I could pass. I took a step forward and clapped. It ANSWERED ME with a short, very loud, growly snort! Just picture for a moment that coming out of the blackness. A solid sheet of sweat poured from my forehead. If animals really can smell fear I may have been safe because my stench would have overpowered him. “You win!” I shouted as I tried to walk backwards slowly and not turn and run. It was hard to walk backwards down a mountain over rocky streams and I gave up fairly quickly and settled for walking at a moderate pace while slamming my feet down so hard that I must have crushed rocks. I sneaked glances over my shoulder every couple of steps while laughing nervously and taunting moosebear so it would know I was not afraid, that I was just walking back down the mountain because it turned out the mountain sucked and only a stupid moosebear would want to be on it anyway, and since I am not afraid it would be a really bad idea to come stomp and/or claw me to death.

Right before I hit the save button on this my brothers-in-law called and asked if I wanted to try hiking it again tomorrow morning. Of course I do. Look out moosebear, here we come.

PS - I stand by what I wrote here. If it had been a lion things would have been totally different.

PPS - Here are some pics of Timp so you understand why I need to climb it.

There were a lot of kids at the playground but they were kind of dumb and not very strong and not as good at using the toys as we were. If you look carefully in some of the photos you can see a parent watching in the background awestruck by my power and agility.

Joe documented my attempt at glory. As you can see, I am amazing. In the last photo I am not so much laughing as wondering where I am.

Are there any attorneys out there that could confirm for me that I was within my rights when I ran her off the road? Thanks.