Papa November

Warning to anyone without children; the story below will contain material of an “aren’t kids cute” nature that may make you want to punch me in the neck.

Grant has been trying to learn to use the toilet. He was pretty much there and then we moved to Olympia and he found himself completely uninterested in the porcelain Washington state has to offer. Last night while attempting to relieve himself like a big boy he gestured downward and said “what’s his name?” I explained that that was his penis and he said, “No, his name is Harold….. He’s a dragon. Rarrr rarrrrr!!!!” He then proceeded to terrify the poor toilet.

He is turning out to be quite a character. A few nights ago about half an hour after we put him to bed he walked out into the front room completely naked. I asked him what happened and he explained that his pajamas “fell off”. We asked him to go get his pajamas and he came out holding a pair of Thomas the Tank Engine pajamas that were suppossed to be a christmas present. The interesting thing about this is that they had been hidden in his closet, hanging well out of his reach with his other clothes. He had taken a step stool from the bathroom and used it to climb onto a dresser and somehow managed to find and reach the pajamas and then ditched the ones he was wearing.

He’s always been a pretty fearless explorer. One night when he was about 18 months old I woke up to the sound of water running and found Grant sitting in the bathroom sink with a cup. He just looked at me calmly and said “agua”. We also used to find him alseep on the couch in the front room on a regular basis. This is something he continues to do. Sometimes he scares me to death by turning on the tv at 3am (he just wanted to watch The Wiggles). This is becoming less frequent since he has begun to nurture a fear of the dark.

Tonight Grant and I were playing trains in his bedroom when Michelle yelled “dinner!” Grant turned to me and said, “Oh maaan. I just want to play trains” in the most put upon voice he could muster. Holden Caulfield couldn’t have sounded more put upon by the world.

Alright, thanks for indulging me. In gratitude I will tell you about the time I drank some blackberry apple cider that tasted like burning and smelled like vinegar. When I examined the bottle I noticed that it was all mishapen and bulging like it was full of botulism. I called Josh and he reassured me that it was full of botulism and that I was going to die and that I was an idiot for drinking from an obvioulsy compromised bottle and how did I not notice that something was amiss with my not-quite-sealed bottle? That made me feel much better. The next day I woke up feeling a little off and after having to use the restroom 5 times in my first two hours of work I decided to go home. Luckily I work in a tiny office where I have to walk past everyone to get to the bathroom or everyone wouldn’t have noticed my distress and been able to share stories of friends and family in similar moments of intestenal weakness. That was yesterday. I’m doing much better now, but I’m thinking of naming my rear end “the dragon”.