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June 16, 2006

The Seven Seas

I recently traveled on a ferry from Port Angeles, WA to Victoria, BC. If you are ever in Port Angeles, I highly recommend leaving. The ferry to Victoria is a good choice. It is a beautiful town and you might see some whales on the 2 hour trip across the Straight of Juan de Fuca. We didn’t see any, but we did see some really great driftwood and almost hit a cruise ship. I don’t think we were really in any danger of crashing into it, but Grant did his best to throw the passengers into a panic. He started screaming, “We are going to crash! We are going to hit that big boat!” That brought a lot of people to the windows.

While on the ferry I noticed this ax.

I like the little axe drawing next to it, in case you can’t recognize the object, maybe you will recognize it’s symbol. You may notice that it has an 8 next to it. I saw one with a ten. There are at least ten axes on this boat unsecured and within reach of anyone passing by, yet you can’t bring a swiss army knife on a plane.

Why all the axes? In case we hit a cruise ship we can cut our way out of our sinking vessel? Maybe board the cruise ship and commandere it to continue our voyage? I have a theory about the abundance of axes on the ship; if you are going to travel by boat you must abide by the rules of the high seas! All disputes are handled like true sailors, with axe fights! Loser is thrown overboard and the winner takes his car upon reaching port. The captian gets any loose change in the vehicle.

June 07, 2006

X-Men Vs Darwin

I just saw X-Men 3 on Saturday. It was entertaining. It was more a debate about racism, sexism, and homosexuality than a movie about evil-fighting action heres. Or at least it wanted to be. I was really only concerned with what special abilities each mutant might have. I’ve noticed that almost all of them are geared towards battle. I mean, how about the guy with the horn like daggers coming out of his arms? They are really great to throw at people, but what if he was an accountant? What would he do with those things? These mutations seem to really limit career choices to crime fighter or super criminal.

I would have to assume that from an evolutionary standpoint there have to be some mutations out there that aren’t quite as well suited for butt-kicking.

I present you with the Least Advantageous Mutations of All Time

-The ability to shoot rainbows from your eyes.

-Excessive salivation.

-Inhuman ability to do fractions.

-The ability to know with certainty if you left the iron on or not.

-Tears on command.

-The ability to take on the worst characteristic of any animal (ie. the energy of a sloth) thanks Rob

-Smelling like fresh baked cookies at will.

-The ability to sense if someone is really really mad.

-The ability to distinguish “o’s” and “0’s” on really long registration codes. -Rob

-The speed of a failry fast cocker spaniel.

-Super long toenails.

-Never having to go to the bathroom, ever.

-Being impervious to mosquitoes.

-The ability to move paper with your mind.

-The ability to communicate with snails. Rob again

-Control over humidity.

-Cat whiskers.

-chloroform breath, but no immunity to chloroform