Papa November

When I was little my dad would catch gummy bears for us. He would spot them buzzing around us like flies and grab them right out of the air. As I got older I figured out that he kept a bag in his pocket and was only pretending to catch them. This eased the guilt I felt in devouring them only seconds after they had been flying happily around the yard. Around this time there was also a Gummi Bears TV show. I can’t tell you what it was about, because the theme song alone would leave Josh and me so amped out of our skulls with excitement that we would have to go outside RIGHT. THIS. SECOND! We were usually running madly through the streets or half way across the valley on our bikes before the show even started. I do remember that gummiberry juice figured prominently. Thus started my love all gummy candies. Here I give you my list of the top gummies. Feel free to disagree, but know that you are wrong. Did you grow up eating fresh, hand caught gummy bears? I didn’t think so.

1. Black Forest gummy Bears - they are perfectly chewy, kind of hard but not TMJ hard like the Haribo bears, and taste like real fruit. Real chewy, bear shaped fruit. I would eat these for dinner if given the chance. Any other gummy bear will do in a pinch, but I have to push through my initial gag reflex when my mouth realizes they aren’t Black Forest Bears. If they are really soft chewy bears I leave them out to dry up a little. Most other bears seem to have a very chemical taste compared to the Black forest bears; this is because they are not made with love.

2. Gummy worms- again, Black Forest is the best but they are hard to find for some reason. Trolli will do. The best part about the worms is biting them in two and sticking a half to each cheek to simulate it boring through your face. Also, they are really great to throw at people.

3. the bag of assorted gummies that i left in the car on a 90 degree day that melted together into a massive ball o’ gummy-I ate it like a rat would eat a wheel of cheese. This really should be #1.

4. Gummy Cola Bottles- I haven’t tried them, but Jiwa Jiwa fizzy cola bottles look great. I have no real preferance on these because I only get them in bulk bins and they could be K-Mart brand for all I know.

5. Gummy cherries- never eat a whole bag, these are just to give your mouth a break from the bears for a minute.

6. Gummy Strawberries- If you don’t get the Haribo you run the risk of the cheap perfumey tasting ones. again, these are really just to keep things interesting. 90% of the bag should be bears.

7. Gummy Rat- Like christmas! I don’t know that this tastes any better than any other gummy, but we used to go buy these at the Thousand Oaks Mall. We would eat these as slowly as possible to try to make them last. The record was probably 24 hours.

8. Gummy Sharks- I had one that tasted like blueberry. It had a marshmellow belly. I don’t normally go for the marshmellow mix, but it worked.

I won’t bother with the 5 million variations of gummy trucks, squid, letters, etc. They are boring and there is really no difference between them. Look, I’m eating a number 5, now I’m eating a gummy lamb. Who cares.The really complex gummies, like gummy burgers, tacos, and pizzas are great for little kids, but are just overkill. The more complex the more they are making up for garbage flavor.

I have thought about continuing the gummy catching tradition with my son, but then I would have to share. He can catch his own.

*OK, I have just learned how to play the Gummi Bears theme song on my mandolin! My 9 year old self loves me so much right now! (my 31 year old self feels like a dork)

UPDATE: I’ve actually listened to the theme song online and am now baffled that I used to think it was so great. I remembered it being a little more rocking than it is. It actually sounds like something you would hear on an adult contemporary christian station, if adult christians were really into candy, that is.) My mandolin version is a hundred times better. I played it for Grant and he danced until he passed out. Seriously, PASSED OUT, unconscious from sheer gummibear joy.