The Old Prof

I'm not saying it's my fault but I want to say how very sorry I am for anyone who's family or friends were injured or killed by the earthquake and ensuing tidal waves that ravaged southeast asia. At this time I'm reading reports that the deathtoll is as high as 116 - 117,000 people. Many of them were children. I didn't complain about what I did and didn't get for Christmas this year. I got to spend time with family and they are still here.

I hope the U.S. Government is doing more than sending a paltry 15 mil. to aid in the relief efforts. Perhaps I will try and find some websites that can tell you what you can do to help. For you Mormons out there, I found this:

http://lds.org/newsroom/showrelease/0,15503,3881-1-20741,00.html

Posted by Old Prof at 05:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I'm not saying it's my fault but I want to say how very sorry I am for anyone who's family or friends were injured or killed by the earthquake and ensuing tidal waves that ravaged southeast asia. At this time I'm reading reports that the deathtoll is as high as 116 - 117,000 people. Many of them were children. I didn't complain about what I did and didn't get for Christmas this year. I got to spend time with family and they are still here.

I hope the U.S. Government is doing more than sending a paltry 15 mil. to aid in the relief efforts. Perhaps I will try and find some websites that can tell you what you can do to help. For you Mormons out there, I found this:

http://lds.org/newsroom/showrelease/0,15503,3881-1-20741,00.html

Posted by Old Prof at 05:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

We have ants. They crawl all over our apartment and I swear the little bastards are in my pants feasting on my pathetic bocy as I write. I noticed them coming around a while back and quickly blamed my roommates for the infestation. Time goes on and the ants increase in numbers. Then one day as I'm making a peanut butter and honey sandwhich to take to work I notice ants all over my hand as i put the honey back into the cupboard. Well, I hurriedly swatted the ants from my soft, pale, office-worker hand. I Washed the honey jar and cleaned the cupboard and figured that problem was taken care of. The whole way to work and half way into the working day I was scratching. I could not decide if I really had literal ants in my literal pants or if I was playing tricks on myself with my evil mind powers. And why would my mind want to play tricks on me anyway? That's not cool.

The ants were still there when next I opened the cupboard. What were they eating? The honey residue had been washed form the jar so why were they still here? I threw the bottle out. Problem solved. Wrong. Now they were crawling all over the peanut butter jar. I shook them off and now i have to keep my peanut butter in the refrigerator. I don't mind cold peanut butter but it's awfully dififcult to spread evenly over a flimsy piece of bread. In addition I have this uneasy suspicion that an ant fell into the peanut butter and eventually made it into a sandwhich. Once in the sandwhich the ant would wait until lunch time at which point I would eat the sandwhich and the ant would enter my system to infect me from the inside. Once inside me this little ant would mutate and asexually produce a breed of über änts. These über änts would feast on my body üntil it was nothing more than a lifeless sack of über änts. These new änts would spring forth from my cocoon body and infest the world armed with an insatiable hunger for peanut butter and honey. What I'm saying is . . . we still have time to save the worlds peanut butter cache. Honey pratically makes itself and if my intuition is correct, the ants need a combination of peanut butter and honey in order to support the assexual "budding" process through which they generate progeny. If we are able to secure one of these two elements we can starve the über änts into submission and turn them on our enemies. Only then will the rest of the world recognize their futility in arguing against American supremecy. I may die but if I do I pray you will not let it be for nothing.

That was weird. Suffice it to say the ants are still around, though I cannot find a trail. I keep looking for food sources to extinguish and send the ants packing but they still have scouts who are sure to bring the masses out again if they find a stash of sucrose in some hidden place. I'm still not sure if I really have ants all over me or if it's a mind trick or if maybe one of my alternate personalities is possibly a drug addict and I'm totally high right now.

Häppy hölidays fööls!

Posted by Old Prof at 10:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

We have ants. They crawl all over our apartment and I swear the little bastards are in my pants feasting on my pathetic bocy as I write. I noticed them coming around a while back and quickly blamed my roommates for the infestation. Time goes on and the ants increase in numbers. Then one day as I'm making a peanut butter and honey sandwhich to take to work I notice ants all over my hand as i put the honey back into the cupboard. Well, I hurriedly swatted the ants from my soft, pale, office-worker hand. I Washed the honey jar and cleaned the cupboard and figured that problem was taken care of. The whole way to work and half way into the working day I was scratching. I could not decide if I really had literal ants in my literal pants or if I was playing tricks on myself with my evil mind powers. And why would my mind want to play tricks on me anyway? That's not cool.

The ants were still there when next I opened the cupboard. What were they eating? The honey residue had been washed form the jar so why were they still here? I threw the bottle out. Problem solved. Wrong. Now they were crawling all over the peanut butter jar. I shook them off and now i have to keep my peanut butter in the refrigerator. I don't mind cold peanut butter but it's awfully dififcult to spread evenly over a flimsy piece of bread. In addition I have this uneasy suspicion that an ant fell into the peanut butter and eventually made it into a sandwhich. Once in the sandwhich the ant would wait until lunch time at which point I would eat the sandwhich and the ant would enter my system to infect me from the inside. Once inside me this little ant would mutate and asexually produce a breed of über änts. These über änts would feast on my body üntil it was nothing more than a lifeless sack of über änts. These new änts would spring forth from my cocoon body and infest the world armed with an insatiable hunger for peanut butter and honey. What I'm saying is . . . we still have time to save the worlds peanut butter cache. Honey pratically makes itself and if my intuition is correct, the ants need a combination of peanut butter and honey in order to support the assexual "budding" process through which they generate progeny. If we are able to secure one of these two elements we can starve the über änts into submission and turn them on our enemies. Only then will the rest of the world recognize their futility in arguing against American supremecy. I may die but if I do I pray you will not let it be for nothing.

That was weird. Suffice it to say the ants are still around, though I cannot find a trail. I keep looking for food sources to extinguish and send the ants packing but they still have scouts who are sure to bring the masses out again if they find a stash of sucrose in some hidden place. I'm still not sure if I really have ants all over me or if it's a mind trick or if maybe one of my alternate personalities is possibly a drug addict and I'm totally high right now.

Häppy hölidays fööls!

Posted by Old Prof at 10:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Not So Awesome:

- How long it takes me to update this site. If you read this you must hate me for making you wait so long just to be disapointed.

- The fashion trend of wearing overpriced, thin, longsleeve hoodie shirts with jeans and a sportcoat. I like Banana Republic but I also hate Banana Republic.

- A sandwhich made all of chopped black olives and mayonaise. Worse than that is the fact that it wasn't what i ordered. Also not awesome, finishing that sandwhich and realizing that I had just eaten a whole sandwhich made of chopped black olives and mayonaise and I couldn't change that fact.

- The women who walk around the shopping/financial district of San Francisco with large bags in each hand from very expensive stores while everyone else is working. Their manner of dress is either boring or obnoxious but either way they always wear an evident sense of entitlement.

- Frat boys wearing pink. What the hell are the art fags and indie kids supposed to wear now? Jerks!

- Kenneth Cole is having a sale on shoes . . . and they all suck!

- Ants, everywhere. More to follow.

Awesome:

- China Town San Francisco, and I'll tell you why:

_______- Tapioca Drinks. These are good, they come in a variety of fruit flavors and they have chewy tapioca gems to delight. But mostly, the poster I saw advertising these drinks says "Let me crazy!"

_______- You can get a dozen coconut buns for $4. It used to be $3 but they raised the price. Still a good deal cause they are awesome tasty and a dozen of those mothers is a lot.

_______- You can get a dozen potstickers for $2 even and that makes for a nice little lunch.

_______- You can buy all kinds of crazy crap from the many gift emporia, including: "Smiled Bubble Hammer with Terrible Voice" It is just as awesome as it sounds.

_______- There's all these Chinese people walking around so it feels almost like being in another country. A country where I am a giant.

Awesome continued:

- An old guy walking down Market street in black leather pants. That may not sound awesome but it was and maybe you just had to be there at that moment with that song in your headphones walking to work and seeing this old guy in leather pants.

- Ceremony by New Order. It's a song. One of the best ever. It's so good to me that it hurts to listen to it and I can't stop listening to it.

- Tuna sandwhich. Much better than a pile of black olives and mayonaise. In fact, they are an awesome kind of sandwhich.

- Inside-out Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. Damb tasty. They look kind of weird cause the outside is peanut butter color but don't be afraid to sink your teeth in them. They are only available for a limited time, so I suggest you buy them if you see them. I think I may like them even better than original peanut butter cups. I'm not lying about this.

Not So Awesome yet, Sooooo Awesome!:

- Guy walking down market street dressed in black with knee-high black boots and long straight blond hair down to the skall of his back. This wasn't a high school kid, this guy had to be in his late thirties. That's comitment.

- The ugliest transexual I've ever seen with the ugliest mullet I've ever seen. It was blond, permed short and tight on the top, and long and straight on the bottom. He/she might have been related to the guy mentioned above.

- Utility Kilt: http://www.utilikilts.com/index.htm

- Utilikilt and bullet bike. Somehow putting these two together makes them both pretty awesome.

Posted by Old Prof at 06:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Not So Awesome:

- How long it takes me to update this site. If you read this you must hate me for making you wait so long just to be disapointed.

- The fashion trend of wearing overpriced, thin, longsleeve hoodie shirts with jeans and a sportcoat. I like Banana Republic but I also hate Banana Republic.

- A sandwhich made all of chopped black olives and mayonaise. Worse than that is the fact that it wasn't what i ordered. Also not awesome, finishing that sandwhich and realizing that I had just eaten a whole sandwhich made of chopped black olives and mayonaise and I couldn't change that fact.

- The women who walk around the shopping/financial district of San Francisco with large bags in each hand from very expensive stores while everyone else is working. Their manner of dress is either boring or obnoxious but either way they always wear an evident sense of entitlement.

- Frat boys wearing pink. What the hell are the art fags and indie kids supposed to wear now? Jerks!

- Kenneth Cole is having a sale on shoes . . . and they all suck!

- Ants, everywhere. More to follow.

Awesome:

- China Town San Francisco, and I'll tell you why:

_______- Tapioca Drinks. These are good, they come in a variety of fruit flavors and they have chewy tapioca gems to delight. But mostly, the poster I saw advertising these drinks says "Let me crazy!"

_______- You can get a dozen coconut buns for $4. It used to be $3 but they raised the price. Still a good deal cause they are awesome tasty and a dozen of those mothers is a lot.

_______- You can get a dozen potstickers for $2 even and that makes for a nice little lunch.

_______- You can buy all kinds of crazy crap from the many gift emporia, including: "Smiled Bubble Hammer with Terrible Voice" It is just as awesome as it sounds.

_______- There's all these Chinese people walking around so it feels almost like being in another country. A country where I am a giant.

Awesome continued:

- An old guy walking down Market street in black leather pants. That may not sound awesome but it was and maybe you just had to be there at that moment with that song in your headphones walking to work and seeing this old guy in leather pants.

- Ceremony by New Order. It's a song. One of the best ever. It's so good to me that it hurts to listen to it and I can't stop listening to it.

- Tuna sandwhich. Much better than a pile of black olives and mayonaise. In fact, they are an awesome kind of sandwhich.

- Inside-out Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. Damb tasty. They look kind of weird cause the outside is peanut butter color but don't be afraid to sink your teeth in them. They are only available for a limited time, so I suggest you buy them if you see them. I think I may like them even better than original peanut butter cups. I'm not lying about this.

Not So Awesome yet, Sooooo Awesome!:

- Guy walking down market street dressed in black with knee-high black boots and long straight blond hair down to the skall of his back. This wasn't a high school kid, this guy had to be in his late thirties. That's comitment.

- The ugliest transexual I've ever seen with the ugliest mullet I've ever seen. It was blond, permed short and tight on the top, and long and straight on the bottom. He/she might have been related to the guy mentioned above.

- Utility Kilt: http://www.utilikilts.com/index.htm

- Utilikilt and bullet bike. Somehow putting these two together makes them both pretty awesome.

Posted by Old Prof at 06:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

A COLLEGE DISCUSSION GROUP TOPIC AS I SAW IT IN WHAT WAYS WILL LIFE BE DIFFERENT IN THE U.S. IN A DECADE? 26 February 2003 to 26 February 2313 I think that we are safest predicting more of the same, only better, more of it and faster. You name the element and that is probably what is going to happen. For instance I think communications will fit that prognosis. We can confidently expect worldwide e-mail only so fast and of such quantity and quality it will probably be called something else. And combine that with instantaneous “machine” translation and you have the basis for a real revolution. I think the word revolution is fitting. It may apply in two ways. One, despotisms will have a hard time keeping any thing from their people who when they see and hear what it is like in a democracy or even a prosperous capitalistic country that may not be so democratic may well revolt to gain it. I suppose in a way that is what happened in the Soviet Union.. And two, If we postulate a revolution in wireless technology, coupled with satellite access to any spot in the world, we will really come to understand each other. This is probably dangerous and may lead to fighting as well. We are already in a war on terrorism which derives from some of this. There are some cultures that are just plain going to despise each other. Distance and ignorance insulate some groups today. Not much I know but somewhat. This will not last. I think we are going to see a lot of brushfire wars and perhaps ongoing and progressively nastier terrorist acts. Though it may be possible to over awe and terrify our cultural opposites, it is not likely. This probably means that travel as we know it will almost cease. I think we may be in a long term war on terrorism. I hope not and it doesn’t have to be so but What may we posit from a long term war on terrorism? A nostalgic looking back on an era when long distance travel and carefree vacations in exotic spots was not just a dream A revival of regionalism and xenophobia by us and the regions we may no longer visit with impunity. A gradual erosion of civil liberties as we try to protect ourselves from the stroke and counterstroke of terrorism. The hardening of our souls as we countenance the large scale killing of terrorists and begin to see it as no more than the killing of pests, rather than human beings. The inability to travel anywhere in the world, safely An increase of local tourism as we seek peaceful vacations in our own country A strange insularity, leavened only by ease of communication on the net. but with perhaps net wars between regions. Nasty hacking incidents as a kind of xenophobic retaliation. Xenophobia within our own country. Group distrust of other groups who do not share all of our own values, culturally or religiously Or Perhaps, Victory. But If we can’t kill our way to victory we will have to show the Moslem world that our values are not the values of Hollywood, which they so despise. The problem is that the only way to portray our values to Islam is thru Hollywood which is unlikely to think that mutual help, charity, virtue, truth, family values etc will sell as well as sex, violence , war, explosions every four minutes or pornography associated with violence and explosions. And if we do produce such movies it is unlikely that Islam will pay to see them. And unfortunately , trying to tell people we are killing that we believe in peace seems like a loosing proposition. And it may be that our values are just not theirs and never will be and the better we understand each other the worse its going to get .But, this predicting of the future ….. What a difficult task. I have searched a dozen sites and read all I can find of future trend predictions and about all I can say with confidence is that no matter what happens, in a decade some of us will not feel the same way about things that we do now and that will shape our perception of what the U.S. has become, what ever that becoming is. Many of us will be ten year older and what was once important to us will no longer be so. New interests will replace old ones. What once enthralled us will seem passé or childish. We will be more cognizant of our mortality and that will affect our choices and our attitudes but we can’t say what the effect of that affect will be. We can confidentially predict that there will be vast technological change, but we are without any way to say much of what those changes will consist. We know there will be modification or alteration in almost everything of which we can think, but we cannot with clarity think of what those changes will consist. We know predicting the future is futile, but we also know that if the past is any indicator of present actions we will continue trying to depict that opaque time. I cannot even predict whether being around to actually see how life will be different in ten years will be a good thing or a bad. I would guess the future is going to be interesting though. And that of course brings to mind the banal Irish curse, “May you live in interesting times!” But since change generally comes so incrementally as to be almost invisible I think that the way to weigh our present situation against the distant one is to record in some detail our present circumstances, take and keep notes on today’s predictions, and then in ten years meet here again (or perhaps at the Soup Exchange, our fall back position) and talk about it. We may then say with Omar (and you may replace such words as Iram and Jamshyd with the noun of your choice) IRAM INDEED IS GONE WITH ALL ITS ROSE, AND JAMSHYD’S SEV’N RING’D CUP WHERE NO ONE KNOWS; BUT STILL THE VINE HER ANCIENT RUBY YIELDS, AND STILL A GARDEN BY THE WATER BLOWS. Or…. Perhaps we may be led to exclaim : Ah, Love! Could thou and I with Fate Conspire To grasp this sorry Scheme of things entire, Would not we shatter it to bits---and Then Re-mold it nearer to the heart’s Desire! But then again, Who knows! Second round I read this to my son and he said that another thing we may be confident of is that the future will change the past. Looking back on the events of our life, we will perceive events in a different light and see the past with new eyes. This is what historians tend to do anyway. That which takes place in a millisecond is endlessly reviewed and evaluated as if the participants had had all the time in the world to make those life or death decisions. We will, I suppose, attribute to the decision makers information which we now have but which they did not and wish they had done it differently in order to get the better result which always seems to have been missed. As the past has made the present, the present is even now shaping the future and people who for the most part are unknown to us are doing it. Or at least I hope so because the people who seem to be shaping the present and the future and who I know, scare me.

Posted by at 10:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Incredible conversations I have overheard Conversation one, at the next table in Home Town buffet.. I like the bread. ….and…. You know how heavy your vacuum is? Plug it in and turn the motor on. That vacuum works. He picked up all that dirt. A whole bag almost. …..further…. When he came home he started opening the windows real quick. They continued…. What if the Scanner goes bad? ….yeah, what if? And in the same intellectual tone: They got good looking corn bread today. Or on a more educational level: When you’re at the restaurant you only have three dressings. Honey Mustard…etc. …and the one that baffled me: They fold out. They fold out? What fold out? Don’t leave me like this! (You cant always over hear everything) And then the philosophic ultimate that left me gasping in disbelief: The keyboard wasn’t working. I never use the keyboard. How does one maintain the intellectual pace in such challenging conversations? Is this all they talk about? Are all their conversations at this level? Is life worth living? Conversation two Heard from inside a college lecture hall: as two co-eds walked past the room “Why did you go out with him? He was old enough to be your father.” “Well, He just flattered the hell out of me.” Makes you want to run after them and yell : “wait , wait; just exactly what did he say?” (I being old enough to be both their fathers) Inadvertently overheard Conversation number three: “So what clubs do you go to?” “Oh, I guess my favorite club is Club Med.” Well that one is perhaps out of place here. ADDENDA The single most amazing conversation I have ever heard and I heard it just last night: She: "Have you got the guts to tell me why I am mad at you?" He: "You are not mad at me!" She : "Yes I am! I am furious! and you don't have the guts to tell me why!" Silence Long and Prolonged (this conversation may be, slightly, funnier if you are aware that the furious woman has antrograde amnesia, but otherwise functions beautifully. Or perhaps its not. I feel a sort of pathos)

Posted by at 08:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Found poetry Or The first attempt to teach or train a voice recognition dictation program A song: Backup your troubles in Euro kickback and smile boys that's the stein what's the use of worry and it never was worthwhile so backup your troubles in Euro kickback and smile's non-smile while you looser for to light char thank smile bowed steps the style what's the use of wary in it can never was worthwhile so backup your troubles in Euro kickback and smile smile smile A College cheer: Under Thunder sun duration we are the cougar congregation when we sheer with inspiration it brings on the Chile Shannon Thunder fund or Thunder Asian Scripture: (or some esoteric, hidden truth?) (Is the computer trying to tell us something?) Man in the long long sun's role geese and from the sky these gracious words lonely and low : become more honest, long for love stars also give their lives upon their wings in their glory in the mist of the power of God I take no credit for the programs genius. I suppose that those that know me will be suspicious that the program rendered the Roman army not in consternation at the unhappy turn of military affairs but instead found them in constipation. I had nothing to do with that either , other than perhaps mumbling, which has not heretofore been know to cause the condition. Sorry

Posted by at 08:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I was rifling through my email inbox (yes, rifling) when I came across an email with the subject line:

"Here is it.... [knowledge harness bastard]"

So, you can imagine how disapointed I was to find that it was nothing more than an ad for some weak online gambling website.

Posted by Old Prof at 06:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I was rifling through my email inbox (yes, rifling) when I came across an email with the subject line:

"Here is it.... [knowledge harness bastard]"

So, you can imagine how disapointed I was to find that it was nothing more than an ad for some weak online gambling website.

Posted by Old Prof at 06:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)