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September 30, 2005

Nothing Much, but

It’s the end of the air as we know it.

The whole ridge line along the length of the valley, one the south side, is smoldering. The fire seems pretty well contained. Still the reporters are breathless and probably delighted. I am breathless. Its smoke and ashes everywhere. I stopped in at Staples this morning to get some more Black number 6 for the printer and the clerk was uncommunicative and totally unappreciative of my lighthearted banter. I said “tough morning?” she said, “I can’t talk”. And she meant it. The smoke was so bad she hated to breathe, let alone talk.

Ash drifts down on you as you walk. You can’t see the mountains in any direction. And I have cleaned the air filters a couple of times. I can still feel it in my chest.

September 22, 2005

Football Schmutball

I just ran across one of the more inventive ways to get totally uninterested students to come to an uninteresting football game played by two bad teams. And I semi-quote from something in my mailbox today: The Name of your choice Football team will play at >=Framis= City College this Saturday, September 24, at 4:00 P.M.

Although the team is struggling, this game should be entertaining since =Framis= appears to be similar to Bumptebump. [I chose the name Bumtebump. I also chose =Framis=]

[That’s almost noble in its naked appeal. We have two bad teams, so it’s as good as watching two good ones. It should be close. But the next paragraph is so honest its even more fun, if that is possible. I don’t know who wrote this but I like him. Anyway, one should come to the game because:]

Even if you hate football, no stadium in America has the ambiance of =Framis Stadium=
in =Framis=. The grandstand sits above a marina overlooking the Pacific.

[Well that does it for me. Even if I hated football, for me, its ambience every time. Moreover I’d go to anything that overlooked the Pacific. It’s harder though to overlook a bad football game. Those game go on so long.]

[But, wait, there’s more]

There is a constant parade of yachts of all sizes

[How the heck did the football team arrange that? Maybe they circle around and come back again: the yachts, not the team. The team sounds pretty out of it. [Hey, did you notice the cool use of a colon there in the antepenultimate sentence? I mean the diacritical mark.]

(My wife is threatening to reveal the purported fact that I didn’t know the term diacritical mark and secondly that I couldn’t spell it. I laugh. I knew the term. No one can spell it. I bet you just looked it up.)

as well as schools of dolphins cruising the ocean.

[I guess if you were a dolphin that’s what you would choose to cruise all right. And, if I get the appeal right, what we have here is an invitation to come to a bad football game and in lieu of watching it, watch over the edge of the stadium for yachts and dolphins. The heck with the game but please, please come and let the players see some fans and the programs make some money. Oh, I’d like to see the dolphins in little party hats if we could, please. The football team can wear helmets if they wish. We apparently wont be watching them anyway.]

… The stadium is located on the ocean side of the Campus

[I gathered that. Otherwise what we have here is an appeal to come to an area where there are known to be yachts and dolphins but which yachts and dolphins are not actually visible. Well, in the course of a long life I have come to expect that that would be the case. After all, I should have known what would be the result when I said to my cousin, “My girl is real cute. Would you like to meet her?” I wonder where they are right now. Well, onward.]

If [sic] can only come to one football game, I suggest this should be the one. Sincerely [I should guess sincerely. And congratulations for a candor that is stunning in its honesty and a humor so low key only an expert, luckily that’s me, can detect it.]

September 19, 2005

Illuminating Dialogue

Pontificator “I think we are all better than we think we are.

Me: I agree. I know I am.

My wife: I dont see how you could be.

Fear

Courage mon enfant

I just had a long discussion on courage. I maintain that what we call courage either involves fear or the courageous action is merely an admirable one. And I know a lot about fear.

September 11, 2005

Who New

She: “Was anyone new there?”

He: “Not that I knew.”

September 09, 2005

What is this?

Is this more of your rantings ?(Title courtesy of my wife)

I would have chosen

something classy

(Hey, not bad! Even is it was accidental)

The first week of fall semester is over. I hate the first week. Its all about getting the standards set, the students added and dropped and trying to find your stride again. When its been a whole summer since you did it you even have to build up your voice again. Then, I am always afraid of having lost the edge and of being unable to control a class. What if they wont listen to me any more and what if I open my mouth and can’t think of anything to say? Of course I’ve only been doing this for, lets see, 45 or 46 years. (If I was good at math I wouldn’t be teaching history, ok)

The day before this semester started I kept having little pangs in my hands.

Until last semester I have kept my attitudes and fears to myself for fear of revealing a weakness to other teachers. Now I find that every teacher I have talked to says something like “ Oh yeah! I hate it! Its awful!” And then they tell you stories about how they get palpitations or nightmares the whole day and night before the first new class. These are experienced, self-confident, deeply knowledgeable people. I was surprised. They are troubled by the same things I am, especially bythe misery of having to deal with dropping those who don’t show up and figuring how many to add of all those kids standing around and assuring you they absolutely have to have the class cause, well, with me its they are History Majors and can’t (who knows what) till they get my class. Their lives will be ruined unless they get in the class right now.

The important thing is to get it over with and actually get to teaching. With the room crammed, and people standing in the aisles and doorways, and half the enrolled class not showing up and the half of the room that did trying to add it became a different ball game. However, the minute you drop a no show and add someone is his place you get the no show, the second day, with a story. I have come to expect the “had to take grandma to the air port”, “grandma died (again ?)” , “ I take care of my little brother and he had a …” etc. But the fresher reasons seem to center around the theft of their truck with all their books and the class schedule, etc.. A couple of semesters ago the one that broke me up, and I don’t mean I laughed, was the one where she, with downcast eyes and soulful voice said, “then I will try to do the best I can for myself and my child”. Awful. She got in. I’m not the FBI and have no idea how much of these lies are actually founded firmly on some fact or other. It’s maddening, and trying to do the right thing and knowing I’m not doing it makes me feel awful.

Today however it worked out in a strange way. I was standing outside the class room waiting for class to begin. I hate sitting there on my tall four legged stool at the lectern in nerve racking silence as everyone looks at you and waits. So I was outside leaning on a pole waiting for it to be “time to start”and a student came up and said “I missed the first day, do I need anything?” and I said “No. I have dropped you” She knew that. And I knew she knew it. It was on the board and she had been sitting in the class a few minutes before.

I still dreaded having to tell her that she had been dropped and that “that was that”, but there wasn’t even sitting room for everyone I had added. Feeling awful I braced myself. But she proceeded to tell me that no teacher dropped on the first absence and students have two weeks to decide if they want to keep the class. That startled me. “I have it, should I keep it.” It brought images of fishing to my mind. “I’ve got this sucker but is it a keeper or not?” The thought of her sitting there evaluating my presentation (like she was looking at a dead fish dangling from a hook) and deciding if it was up to her high standards was intriguing. Of course I have known this was what was going on but it seemed suddenly new and vaguely insulting. Its one thing to do it, but another to say it right out loud to the sucker himself. I suddenly didn’t like her as much as I had, and I had started at “neutral”. “Moreover”, she continued, she “had never in her student career been dropped for missing the first class”. A strange feeling came over me. Suddenly dropping her wasn’t so difficult anymore. As she continued to assure me that she had never been dropped on the first day because of absence, that other teachers just didn’t do that, that they waited for some time, perhaps even two weeks, I pointed out to her, almost as if it was someone else saying it, that “this will be a new experience for you then”.

I don’t know where that came from. It was just there like a bubble breaking on a petroleum seep. I couldn’t believe it was me talking. Talk about snitty. Old guys really do get grumpy and they get grumpy fast.

Warning! Old Guy! Approach with caution! Use no hooks(a possibly now obscure saying that used to be affixed to boxes cause movers did use hooks)

September 03, 2005

Atheists

Atheists scare the hell out of me.

[a possibly short lived post. Who knows how I will feel tomorrow after the roast. That is, I’m afraid mocking athiests,even if its just this one, will call down fire from heaven]

Just read another knowing, deep, review of John Krakhauers book titled something or other I forget just what and don’t feel like looking it up.. The poor fellow, the reviewer, had to agree with Krakhauer that religious people , especially Mormons with their dark and dangerous past are especially frightening. Though he does say that:

“Admittedly, Mormonism has toned down since these early days. But it is precisely the fact that it has been toned down that …”

Well, the implication is that the very Fact that Mormonism has gotten better, has toned down, is just why it is spawning dangerous fundamentalist groups today. This reminds me of John Waynes’ contention that when you can’t see Indians out there that’s just when you know they are there. Or better yet, its like training a puppy till it doesn’t commit offenses any more and then just whacking it on the nose in remembrance of past offenses.

Our reviewer seems to feel a kinship with Mr K. I wonder if both of them are atheists? Oh! Well he is at least an “unbeliever”(Is that how you spell Krakhauer? Well, close enough is good enough for me on both the unbeliever/atheist thing and the name.)

I feel a kinship with both of our authors. I was an atheist for a long time so I have a deep and profound knowledge about that particular brand of religion. And Mr X admits that he doesn’t know much about Mormons so this book was a real eye opener to him.(I myself never really talked to or inquired into the beliefs of another atheist. I didn’t dare. I knew what I felt and it scared the hell out of me) When I think now of what atheists thought then, of the dark violent thoughts, the moody insensitivity, the just downright ignorant dangerous currents of the atheistic mind, it scares me still, though I have toned down.

Well, anyway, Mr X was best friends with a Mormon when he was growing up,

“One of my best friends growing up was a Mormon, and I found their habits a little peculiar (and I always wondered why I was never invited for dinner).”

So tho he is too modest to say so he really has a greater than average insight, if not knowledge of this particular brand of terrorism. Though he does now wonder why, really wonder, why he was never invited to dinner, what with being best friends and all. I wonder too. The issue seems to mean something to him. I can’t think what. Why was he never invited to dinner? The question goes round and round in my mind like a rat in a maze. How peculiar! One ponders on all those missed dinners. There has to be some significance to this. Well, after reading his review some possible reasons come to mind but why be unpleasant. (My wife just read this and said something like the same thing to me)

X does go on to say in his modest, fairminded way:

“Of course passing opinions on a religion practiced by millions of Americans by simply reading one book would be myopic, so I encourage you, if you read the book, to read the rebuttal.”

Well, if that isn’t the decent American way I don’t know what is. Read one book and the rebuttal which rebuttal is not really another book but happens to be in the same book. I know exactly what he means. Anyone who reads one book is an expert. Reading two or three books is where the problems arise. You don’t want to do that. You start to see different possibilities and that ruins the clear picture you had when you had only read just one (and the rebuttal which in this case is included right in the same book. Right in the book! )And, and its making me chuckle right now, Mr X says it would be myopic to judge a religion based on just one book (but he is going to do it anyway) so if you are to take that extra step of reading just read one book read the rebuttal. I bet the rebuttal, included in the book is devastating. Its apparently given him the valuable insights he needed to judge fairly after reading just that one book.

X goes on to say:

“But there is no avoiding the fact the Mormons truly believe that they are the chosen ones, and that they believe that the end of the world as we know it is nigh. And when that day comes, only the believers will be lifted up, and the rest of us sinners are history. That probably leaves a bit of a sour taste in the mouths of a few nonbelievers.”

Nonbelievers with sour tastes. Yes that calls forth all the empathy I have.

I think of the Chinese unbelievers of today, of a whole state of a billion of them. China has really presented us with the opposite side of the coin. What a beautiful model of the secular state, unencumbered with the violence that religious folk are prone to. Maybe if we asked nicely they would share the secrets of their success. Or maybe tell us where the mass graves and forced labor camps are. Then all the other of the worlds unbelievers could donate money to send care packages. I suggest sending the packages to the members of the Chinese government who have the distasteful task of jailing and beating those believers, those worshipers in the home churches who are probably about to do violent things. The Chinese know how to handle in China what X seems to think may be too much religious freedom in the U.S..

And of course when I read the stories of atheists like Stalin and his resolutely atheistic state I immediately think of all those dump trucks, laden with the bodies of believers, dripping their blood onto the dirt roads, on their way to bulldozed graves in the forests. I invite you to read those stories too. I can’t think of a good rebuttal tho. (If I could I would inclose it right here. Right here! We need to try to understand on another and including a rebuttal with the attack is the only way, as long as it doesn’t hurt the argument of the book itself)

Sometimes I wonder if its really a question of atheist or religionist and not just possibly humanity which is endlessly, potentially either violent or kind. But what fun is it to wonder that. That kind of thinking would take all the joy out of blaming those annoying people we don’t like. In fact it would expose us to thinking about ourselves and our possibly dangerous side.

Ok, something is dangerous cause a lot of bad things happen and we need an explanation. It doesn’t have to be the correct one as long as its well and tightly written.

Well, back to paragraph two. There is little I can think of to avoid the fact that Mr X , our fairminded reviewer, who can’t avoid facts, (he is being too hard on himself. I think he’s doing a great job of that) seems to have gotten his Mormons confused with his Evangelicals and the Evangelical not the Mormon concept of the Rapture. So when the end of the world comes don’t forget to wear clean underwear because X and I may both be wrong about who is chosen and who if anyone is going to be caught up and how high and why. The Mormons actually, factually, believe that after the rapture the world is going to be composed of both believer and unbeliever. I think X has unbeliever conflated with sinner and sinner confused with evil. That’s not the Mormon way. You could look it up.

I understand why there is this confusion about which religion believes what. For instance, I can’t remember Mr X’s, our reviewers name, and I actually know I could look it up in a quick mouse move. I remember the name is right there in the beginning of the article but, firstly, I don’t care and secondly its too much trouble. I think I will just admit I am ignorant and go on writing exposition as if I were wise. Once you humbly admit you are ignorant you are absolved from any need to become knowledgeable. Humility trumps humanity.

I will leave you with X’s closing statement. It made me think.

“I think Krakauer did a great job of offering up some fundamental questions, such as when does freedom of religion go too far? Sure there is some stretching of facts to achieve sensationalism, but for the most part it is a tightly written book that makes you sit up and think.”

The good part is apparantly that it, the book, makes you sit up and think… what you already thought. That’s always pleasant. Like, ” I was right! They are peculiar!” Further, I guess religious freedom goes too far when you let groups like the Mormons exist and spawn groups that are violent.

Yep, the review, which our author assures us is not a review because there are too many of them already, sure is making me think. So what can we do better than, in closing, remember the words of that great social critic Terri Clark

Don’t think you’re the only ones

Who bend it, break it, stretch it some

We learn from you