The Old Prof

The old ways, the old days, like Old Profs, They were better

Well, the electric mouse/rat trap is still empty. It just sits there humming gently to itself. Probably something by Verdi. When you are an electric 65 dollar mouse/rat trap you don’t do country western. You also don’t do rodents. I should have known that. If you were a shiny enamel and steel trap would you actually dirty yourself with attracting and electrocuting filthy little furry creatures. I now think that when it zapped me it was objecting to the brand of peanut butter I was smearing it with. So it sits there in the garage in virginal purity while the old rat trap next to it smiles its u shaped smile, a rat trapped in its ancient jaws.

Posted by Old Prof at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Two Room Optimists

I just ran across a note on a three by five card sitting on my desk at school. It was not there when I left the day before so I don’t know where it came from but it is in my handwriting. It seems to be old. I suspect that the Janitor must have found it under the desk or something.

Ah the interest grows.

In an abominable scrawl, scarcely legible, I had written some sort of précis about why people left Britain and came to America

They came, the scrawl seems to say, for: Jobs for the family, steady employment, shoes, blankets; To be dry, warm, well fed and out of the bad section of town; out of the sin ridden, gin sodden, crime filled, fog laden, pollution filled dark alleys. Away from muddy streets with open sewers. ( I don’t know whether I made that up or it is a quote. I hope I said it) They turned into ? “Two room Optimists”. Well, that’s what I thought it said at first. Couldn’t figure out the spelling or really read the letters. Horrible handwriting.

I looked at that “two room optimist” thing and thought, “Yes they moved into terrible little apartments and hoped for better”. “I wish I had said that.” Then I realized it said they moved into two room “apartments”

I not only coined the phrase “two room optimists,” I imagined it.

Good on me!

(I like the sin ridden, gin sodden thing a lot too but it seems pretty literary so I probally borrowed it from somewhere in the recesses of my head left over from a life time of stuffing said head with that sort of stuff. So to speak.)

Posted by Old Prof at 10:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In fact “we got rats”. In the garage.

To be more specific, we had rats but after months of trap baiting and setting we have rat. But he is a clever super rat. Build a better rat trap you get better rats. I think he put on weight on the peanut butter diet from seven traps that he regularly raided and exquisitly nibbled. eating slowly is probably good for you and life and death for the rat.

Rats are quick learners. You can never kill a rat the same way twice. There are ways though. We had rats in Madisonville Kentucky in 1956 but one of them got so incautious that he left his tail out of the hole in the base board. We cut off a broom stick fairly short and Elder Rogers took a pair of pliers, put on a leather glove and pulled the little rascal out of the wall. I beat him to death with the broomstick.

The rat I mean. though Rogers was in danger several times as the rat whirled around and bit through the glove repeatedly and I flailed away. they dont go gentle into that good night.

I finally invested in an electric trap guaranteed to lure the rat into an artificial tunne six inches long and to electrocute him. 65 buck is dirt cheap if it gets the little…hmmm, well, words fail me. and I them. so I feel sorry for him because it seems to be a chinese made trap made for the American market. I bet they snicker over there as they build to incorrect tolerances. I hope their rockets are built with the same loving attention to detail.

Which brings me to my empathy for the rat. I know what its going to feel like if he ever enters that tunnel of death. The batteries dont quite fit and in trying to force them into the too narrow a space it is easy to come in contact with the terminals. Death will not come easy for him. It didn’t to me.

However I can say that for the first month nothing much happened except the peanut butter disappeared regularily. I sort of expected that. Yesterday a thought occured to me. Perhaps the emblems for on and off are not those with which I am accustomed. It turns out the circle is on, not off. On pushing the proper but unlikely button the little trap hummed and a green light came on. Perhaps now I have managed to actually arm the little devil, without electrocuting myself for a second time (I proudly state), we may see some actual action in the dark garage where the rat chuckles in his superiority while eating those stored cake mixes. Bless him. I always thought they were pretty nearly fatal. Even though my wife has informed me that “Homey dont cook” and eats every day now at “Millies All American Cuisine” I live in dread that she will try again.

Posted by Old Prof at 11:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

And again today nothing of the slightest interest occured. It keeps doing that. This is not a bad thing I think. Nations that live in peace have no histories I’m told.

This morning during a test a student asked,”what is the date?” I replied that lacking a snow storm or some catalcismic event I have trouble remembering the day let alone the date. This being southern California, and I for the most part being at peace, I have trouble. Remembering.

One blessing of peace is very much appreciated by me. That is that though My wife has had amnesia now for oh, I forget exactly, but about fifteen years and … has a persistant feeing, unbuttressed by any real reason, that I have just done or said something really annoying. (As she once said, angrilly, ” you are such a coward!. You dont have the guts to tell me why I am mad at you.” )

Ok, that part isnt a blessing. but just lately having decided that this as with some other things in my life just wont yield to prayer alone and having said as much in a recent attempt at communication with the divine, I awoke to find that I find her “insults”, ” jibes”, verbal attacks (?) amusing! It came from nowhere. I pray it continues.

For example, In the middle of one of her really very well thought out and particularly cutting remarks I suddenly felt this funny tingling feeling in my chest , apparantly indicitive of real amusement ,fueled by true humor and, before I could help it, I held up a hand in surrender and burst out laughting. I was amazed! I didn’t feel any anger at all but just appreciated the interesting content.

she looked at me quizically for a moment, smiled and said,”that was a good one wasnt it”. It was.

Anyway, I like the lack of true day markers like explosive events or tramatic storms. There are worse things than not knowing what season it is.

Posted by Old Prof at 04:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)